Yesterday I lunched. Granted, I worked, too, but then I lunched after which I shopped.
This day of lunch and leisure ignited a long repressed memory. I was once an actual lunch lady. As a former teacher in a smallish school, I endured lunch duty every other week. A lunch lady is remarkably different from a lady who lunches.
Let’s compare and contrast, shall we?
A lady who lunches chooses a special restaurant in a cute town center. Lunch is an event.
A lunch lady has no choice–the deafening cafeteria is her only option. Lunch is an ordeal.
A lady who lunches dines with friends at a sunshine soaked table for four.
A lunch lady does not dine. She hovers over 80 small children, opening juice boxes and fielding tattle tales while the dim flourescent lights vibrate overhead.
A lady who lunches enjoys flavorful and healthy soups, sandwiches and salads crafted from local, organic ingredients.
A lunch lady enjoys nothing. She gulps down half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with one hand while the other hand breaks up a trading war started by a coveted bag of Pokemon fruit snacks.
A lady who lunches sips leisurely on white wine poured as needed by an attentive server.
A lunch lady is dehydrated from too much caffeine and lack of time to refill her water bottle.
A lady who lunches talks of dinner parties, shopping, reality TV, Whole Foods and interior design.
A lunch lady yells over the roar of children talking with food in their mouths. She yells about the pros and cons of eating one’s sandwich before one’s Oreos, the benefits of waiting one’s turn at the vending machine, and the significance of not sticking straws up one’s nose.
A lady who lunches shares a decadent chocolate dessert with a fellow lady who lunches.
A lunch lady shares germs with 80 children coughing their way through Lunchables and Capri Suns.
If you are a lady who lunches or would like to take your favorite lunch lady out for a quiet meal, go to Twelves Grill and Cafe in West Grove, Pennsylvania–the perfect spot for anyone that likes to eat lunch.